I changed all the batteries and tried darkening the screen by holding down the 2nd button and pressing the up arrow and neither of these things worked.
The problem is that you're holding down the 2ND button. The correct procedure is to press and release the 2ND button, then pressing and holding the Up-arrow button.
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The problem is that you're holding down the 2ND button. The correct procedure is to press and release the 2ND button, then pressing and holding the Up-arrow button.